In the past month, more than one parishioner has come up to me after mass and asked, “What are you still doing here?”
This is not the typical Christian welcome. However, a lot of people thought I would be gone by now, so they’re surprised to see me hanging around. They’re equally unsurprised to hear about the Army’s change of plans; this is one of the benefits of being in a military-heavy church.
From others, though, the same question has been more censorious. When I said it didn’t make sense for me to move right away overseas, where I would be unemployed and almost immediately alone for a year when my sweetheart deployed, one soldier asked, “What makes you different from any other Army wife?”
Most recently I got the same thing, in a much more polite fashion, from another Army wife. Her attitude was that it didn’t matter if my husband was going to be gone for the next two and a half years out of three; of course I should drop everything and move.
To review:
Here: Sweetheart deployed. Family relatively nearby, friends, good job. House that, at least for now, we can’t sell without taking it in the shorts. Supportive church, understanding military community, big city close by.
There: Sweetheart still deployed. Small town. No job. Inability to communicate eloquently (or often even basically) in local language. Excellent beer.
As much as I love good beer, it’s not enough to sway me to move.
Whatever anyone’s idea of a good Army wife is, I’m probably not it. I accept that. But I’m able to spend time with my 98-year-old grandma, I’m paying my taxes, and I’ve got work that, for 10 hours a day, helps keep my mind off the upcoming two years’ worth of deployments. My sweetheart is 100% OK with this; he’ll worry about me much less here than there. I’m about 90% OK with this; sometimes I still think I should be grabbing what time I can with him, even if it sends the rest of life into a tailspin.
And the latest why-are-you-here churchgoer? Much like the others, this one -- who happens to be the wife of a retired soldier -- gave me a big hug when I answered, saying, “We’re so glad you’re staying! This is right where you should be!” I doubt she had any idea how much I needed to hear that.
March 1, 2009
Hanging around
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12 comments:
Now I want to hug her!!! What a perfect thing to say.
Yes, that was the perfect thing to say! What a sweetie! And you know what? You ARE doing the right thing because it is what is going to work for you and your husband. That is ALL that matters. Of course, I didn't uproot everything either to go live 1200 miles away while Swiss deployed either, so I may be a bit biased!
Anyway, don't let anyone tell you you aren't a good "army" wife or otherwise. Your hubs is lucky to have you and lucky that you have such a good head on your shoulders! So yes, you are right where you should be! :)
Take care dear! You are in my thoughts... and I'll send you some of those monster cookies too!
-Tucker
Good for you, and while a lot of Army people expect us to just drop everything, pack up our lives, and move on, you are definitely not the first Army Wife to NOT do this. So, good for you :) And, we're here for you!!
Say what?? ok... I need this in steps. some folks think you need to sell your house at a loss, go to Germany where you have no job, support network, and he's deployed??? So, why would you move? Deployed is deployed. From CONUS or OCONUS. But then I got the opposite, I was asked, when we couldn't sell the house, why I was moving here to VA. At that time, we thought he was here for 3 years... this deployment was no where in the cards. Since we had just come off a 22 month deployment, I was at a loss to understand why I was supposed to have a weekend once a month marriage just because I couldn't sell the house! I didn't have a job (the contract job ended) and the support system wasn't that great either.
But to move, when he's going to be somewhere else anyway - still trying to figure that one out...
LAW
What is wrong with those people? At least there was one in the crowd who understood.
I love good beer too. But not enough to live in a foreign country by myself for one or two years.
Good choice, you!
Yes, good choice--one that works best for you and your marriage. I think too often we're expected to drop everything; some spouses forget that they do have the power of choice.
Sending good thoughts your way!
makes total sense to me. Why move over there when your support system is right where you are.
I totally and completely understand (at least you have the dignity to not throw a hissy fit like I did :) I hate the unwritten rules of what makes a "good" Army wife.
Sounds like you made the right choice.
Thanks for being so supportive, y'all. If nothing else, this experience is a good reminder for me to refrain from judging other people's situations, lest I be judged myself (again). :-)
P.S. The word verification for this comment is "bless." That has to be a good sign!
“What makes you different from any other Army wife?”
Oh. My. Let me count the ways...
You're in the right place and I'm sorry for the insensitivity.
If you aren't an Army Wife then neither am I, I just did it the opposite. I had the job in Germany, the support group and the interest to stay there while he deployed. I traveled....alot!
I saw no point in putting all my stuff in storage, giving up my government job just to go live on my mom's couch for a year.
Anyways don't listen to the nay sayers they just don't understand that being a good wife also means being happy and if staying there is what makes you happy then you will be the better wife.
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